Wanted: The Perfect Pastor

Let’s look at what it takes to be a perfect pastor or minister.

  1. He pleases everyone.
  2. Preaches exactly twenty minutes and follows it with an invitation in which everyone is convicted but no one is offended.
  3. Works from 7 AM to midnight in every aspect of work from counseling to janitorial work.
  4. 27 years old with 30 years of experience.
  5. Tall and short.
  6. Thin and heavy set.
  7. Handsome but not overpowering.
  8. One brown eye and one blue.
  9. Hair parted in the middle and straight on one side and wavy on the other, with a balding spot on top revealing his maturity.
  10. Has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all his time with senior citizens.
  11. He smiles constantly with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously at his work.
  12. Invests 25 hours a week in sermon preparation, 20 hours in pastoral counseling, 10 hours in meetings, 5 hours in emergencies, 20 hours in visitation and evangelism, 6 hours in funerals and weddings, 30 hours in prayer, 12 hours in correspondence, and 10 hours in creative thinking.
  13. Is always available in his office.
  14. He always has time for all committees and activities of the church. He never misses the meeting of any church organization and is always busy evangelizing the un-churched.
  15. Has perfect kids.
  16. Spouse plays the keyboard.
  17. The perfect pastor is always the next town over.
  18. He is talented, gifted, scholarly, practical, popular, compassionate, understanding, patient, level-headed, dependable, loving, caring, neat, organized, cheerful, and above all, humble.
  19. Many versions of this are found on the Internet and several have this added “If your pastors does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of your list. If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. One of them should be perfect. Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its’ old pastor back in less than three months.”
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19 thoughts on “Wanted: The Perfect Pastor

  1. This is pretty funny. In my opinion, there are no perfect pastors because there are not perfect people. We are all sinners in need of forgiveness and grace.

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